Music fans throughout the colony of New South Wales have gone into an absolute snit of complaint after the catchy ballad Bound For Botany Bay took out first place in the Triple J Hottest 100 for 1788.
“I’ve never heard such a boring collection of bland-arse sea shanties in my life,” wrote blogger Watkin Tench. “I was really hoping that On Jordan’s Stormy Banks I Stand by Samuel Stennett would make the top ten but I guess Triple J listeners no longer go in for those edgy hymns like they used to.”
“There seemed to be a lot less home grown acts this year,” tweeted local music aficionado Benelong. “And what’s with all this tooralie ooralie bullshit? Though I’m glad to see a few opera numbers managed to make the list. I like opera.”
There were the usual complaints about too many jigs and not enough bawdy drinking songs. The highest ranking female performer was Madonna whose pop song Holiday came in at number 45.
“I have to admit I’m more a fan of 1750s string quartets,” said governor Arthur Phillip. “I didn’t recognise any of the tunes in the top ten and had to get a convict fiddler to play them all for me.”
After listening to the full broadcast, Governor Phillip has decreed that any convict caught whistling a Lana Del Ray melody will be flogged and put on half rations.