Conservatives Demand Jumping To Conclusions Be Included In The Olympics


Australian conservatives are leading a campaign to demand that the upcoming Olympics include the sport of jumping to conclusions.

The campaign is being lead by conservative commentator Miranda Devine, an expert in the field whose push has strong backing in parliament from Queensland MP George Christensen.

Speaking to The (un)Australian, Miranda Devine explained the push: “I’ve dedicated my life to jumping to conclusions for little reward, well sure there’s been money and exposure but I want more, I want my jumping to conclusions to be recognised on the world stage.

“I mean how else will my message be heard before being forced to retract?”

Mr Christensen took a break from trolling Malcolm Turnbull to tell The (un)Australia: “Jumping to conclusions has to be recognised as a sport, I mean it’s the only exercise I get, well aside from crossing the floor to annoy Malcolm, but I threaten that more than I actually do it.”

The IOC is expected to announce a decision shortly on the inclusion of jumping to conclusions in the upcoming Olympics, with commentators expecting the decision to be announced as soon as the cheque clears.

Mark Williamson

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Categories: Sport

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