Cat Really Hoping To Avoid Current Owner In Next Eight Lives


A local feline has expressed horror at the prospect of spending any of its next eight lives as the pet of the crazy cat lady it is living with in this life.

“I’d rather come back as a rat catcher on the docks of Marseilles than face another lifetime of being dressed up in tiny beanies and being constantly sung to in a high pitched voice,” reported Gwawley Bay kitty Mr Whiskers. “Not to mention being picked up under the shoulders and waltzed around the living room several times a week with my bottom feet dangling helplessly in space. That’s not a dignified existence.”

Several of the other cats belonging to paralegal secretary Melinda Johnson waved their tails angrily as they recounted being reincarnated back into the same household.

“I spent my third life living the dream on that cat island off the coast of Japan and my fourth life as a big tough feral cat chewing up native birds in Tasmania,” said persian Fluffles. “Imagine my dismay when in this life I’m put in a box and dropped off as a kitten on a very familiar looking doorstep. Oh no, here she comes to nuzzle her snotty nose into my tummy once again.”

“I’m really hoping she’s found herself a boyfriend by the time I reach my seventh or eighth life,” said one eyed burmese Darcy. “Another whole lifetime of spending Saturday nights forced to sit on her lap under that doona watching rom coms and being tossed to the ground every time she gets up to get another Tim Tam is my idea of Hell.”

Peter Green

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