Peter Dutton has taken to the airwaves to strongly condemn the Australian citizen who perpetrated the Christchurch massacre and the damage that it has done to his Governments upcoming pre-election scare campaign.
“The type of actions that we have seen happen in New Zealand are truly appalling, we should never shoot those whose beliefs we disagree with,” said the Minister for the Dark Arts. “Why use violence when you can use words or indefinite detention in an offshore processing facility to get your own way.”
“If this gunman had just left it to the Government we would have had multiple press conferences and a million dollar ad campaign that would scare the entire country into voting us back into power. Now we might not get a chance to run that campaign because if we do we might get egged.”
When asked what actions he would be taking in light of the tragedy Minister Dutton replied: “We will go back to the drawing board maybe focus on Labor and Bill Shorten and we could always start a scare campaign about Buddhists. I mean when they die they get reincarnated how do we know what as, they could turn into terrorists.”
When asked specifically what he would do about white supremacists Minister Dutton replied: “I answered that above, we will do whatever we can to get and keep their votes.”