A woman is in a critical condition in a Sydney hospital after taking an overdose of smug whilst declaring to her friends that she had completed all of her Christmas shopping several weeks before the event.
“A female was admitted to intensive care with heightened levels of superiority in her blood stream as well as a patronisation reading of .24,” said Dr Rudolph Mistletoe from the ER department of Royal Prince Alfred Hospital. “In her pockets we found several empty packets of gift tags and two unused Christmas stamps.”
The woman, identified as Loftus resident Christine Kringle, had earlier been boasting to friends that she had finished all of her Christmas shopping by mid November and had sent out cards to every cousin, aunty, overseas acquaintance and work colleague.
“Unfortunately at this time of year we get many cases of people overindulging in smugness whilst letting all and sundry know how well organised they are about buying presents,” said senior constable Donna Blitzen from the NSW Smug Squad. “People should make themselves aware of the warning signs that a friend or family member is an early Christmas shopper. Are they buying packs of ten cards at the Boxing Day sales? Is there a significant rise in the levels of internet shopping during August and September? Do they have secret drawers of gift wrapping paraphernalia? Are they walking around the house with little bits of sticky tape on the ends of their fingers in October? If you’re being asked to put your finger on knot before the start of the cricket season I’d suggest planning some kind of an intervention.”
Doctors are hoping to lower the patient’s smugness levels by steering conversation away from Christmas and asking her if she has any plans for New Year’s Eve.
“Unfortunately if she’s already booked herself a hotel room overlooking Sydney harbour where she can see the fireworks we may be too late to save her.”
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