The wife of aspiring Opposition leader Peter Dutton has denied that her husband is a monster who prowls the neighbourhood after dark feeding on small mammals, saying he is just a misunderstood knockabout bloke who loves making dad jokes with the kids through the grate of his enclosure.
“His dad jokes are comedy gold. Just the other night we were watching a rugby league match from Manus Island and he quipped that the man with the whistle should be called the reffo-ree,” said Mrs Dutton as she cracked a whip into her husband’s dungeon, eliciting an anguished snarl. “One of my favourites is “What’s wet and salty and fucks low lying South Pacific nations? High tide”.”
She has dismissed as lies a claim that a wealthy Chinese businessman paid thousands of dollars so he could meet her husband.
“The exact opposite is the truth,” said Mrs Dutton as she hurled a bucket load of small animal bones up on a rope. “People spend thousands of dollars not to meet my husband.”
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