The man who walked out on Prime Minister Kevin Rudd’s apology to the stolen generation, Peter Dutton, has demanded that all Australians celebrate Australia Day with gusto, or else.
”I, and my good friends at News Corp have decided that Australia Day is now the most important day of the year, said the Dark Lord Peter Dutton. ”People need to get out with their Australian flag capes and party like they’re Captain Cook in 1770.”
”Why, I myself will be hosting a BBQ with a number of close associates.”
When asked why he seemed to be against any form of help or assistance to Indigenous Australians, the Dark Lord said: ”I don’t accept that. Some of the people I used to arrest when I was a copper were Indigenous Australians.”
”I arrested them for their own good, you know.”
”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I heard that Anthony Albanese had Corn Flakes for breakfast. I need to hold a press conference condemning him for ignoring Rice Bubbles.”
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