Coalition Backbenchers Busy Googling How To Polish A Turd

Coalition backbenchers worried about the pathetic polling of their leader the Dark Lord Peter Dutton, have spent the day googling how to polish a turd in anticipation of shadow Treasurer Angus Taylor challenging for the leadership.

”It was always a risk putting Peter in the top job, but we just had no one else,” said a Coalition Spokesperson. ”We thought he might make a little ground, what with the cost of everything going up but he’s gone backwards.”

”Hopefully the public will have a bit of amnesia and not google for awhile so Angus Taylor can gain some traction.”

When asked why they weren’t focusing on new policies or positive engagement instead of looking at the leader, the Coalition Spokesperson said: ”Negativity and fear worked for Abbott then so why wouldn’t it work for us now.”

”Besides, being negative and spreading hate is like throwing red meat to the base.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and try and wipe Angus’s social media accounts and spread some vicious rumours about Albo.”

Mark Williamson


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