Well, we tried to help you. When we published the five Australian bands you’d be listening to in 2014, we wanted to give you a head start. We wanted to give you the inside tip so you’d seem like a real hip dude who knows about this kind of stuff. We told you to check out Native Cats, we told you to check out Bloods, but you left it too late and now they’ve blown up and the cute girl in the coffee shop thinks you’re a poseur who hops onto the bandwagon once a band becomes popular.

Well not this year. Just imagine if you had of listened to Go Violets before they become a cultural tour de force, you’d be the coolest kid at your friend’s art show (no easy task). That’s why you’ll listen to us this time. Also, we have your family locked up in a basement and if you don’t, we will hurt them.

So, without further ado, the five Australian bands you’ll be listening to in 2015, or your family gets it:

Heartattk

Just 2 months ago, none of these four Brisbane girls had even picked up an instrument and now they’re preparing for the release of their sophomore album Doomed Teenage Romance. Heartattk make raw, punk-inspired post-punk. Screeching guitars, crashing cymbals, and intelligent lyrics, Heartattk has two of those things. Lead singer Elsie Buzzcocks has a guttural, melodic scream that is surely more preferable than this tape of your mother screaming, which we can forward to you if you don’t listen to this band. 2015 will be a very big year for Heartattk provided the drummer can get her meth addiction under control.

Kane & Able

Sure, we’ve always said “I’d rather have my little brother’s toe sent to me in the mail than ever listen to Aussie hip-hop”, but for your sake I hope that was hyperbole. Australian hip-hop has gotten a bad wrap from music critics, but this rural Victorian duo combines funk and jazz samples with political lyrics that is sure to separate them from their competitors in 2015. It’s no wonder De La Soul’s Australian promoter saw fit to put them on the same bill.

Eskie

Melbourne’s Eskie (born Paul Peter Harrison) specialises in a type of croony electronic balladry that’s already being compared to fellow Melbourne resident Chet Faker. Specifically, by Chet Faker’s lawyer in his cease and desist letter. But don’t let the copyright infringement lawsuits mislead you, Eskie has a sound that’s all his own. When he wins an ARIA next year, you’ll be glad that you took the steps required to ensure your nephew’s survival.

Kafkaesque

Drawing on funk, jazz, blues, punk rock, avant garde, and experimental, Sydney’s Kafkaesque have clearly read the wikipedia entry on “No Wave”. With punishing, atonal guitar shards, and primal, heart-beat drumming, it’s obvious this all-male five piece have a deep affection for reading old Thurston Moore interviews from the ’80s. While their music is tough to get into for the uninitiated, anyone who likes to pretend they’re from ’70s New York, or has their father tied to a basement water heater at knife point, should have all the motivation needed to give these bad boys of the Sydney noise scene a shot.

Ayahuasca

While Melbourne is known as the home of Dolewave, this Perth four piece proves that Western Australia also has a student unemployment problem. Ayahuasca has yet to play a live gig, as lead singer Jeff Peterson is fearful of losing his workers’ compensation payments, but they’ve managed to make a name for themselves through a series of lo-fi home recordings that would make Robert Pollard vomit. If you like thick Australian accents, C-chords, and the idea of ever seeing your sister alive again, then Ayahuasca is the band for you.

Matthew Farthing is the Entertainment Editor for The (un)Australian. Phil Jamieson once stole his girlfriend and cooked heroin on his Queen Elizabeth 2’s coronation collector’s spoon. Follow him on Twitter.

Categories: Arts

Tags: hostage situation, Matthew Farthing, music