The NSW government has reacted to a spate of shark attacks by installing Mick Fannings at every beach in an effort to keep swimmers safe over the summer. “A line of Mick Fannings stretching from Eden to Tweed Heads will… Read More ›
Science
Total Lunar Eclipse Ruined By “Folding” Aldi Chair
Despite clear night skies for Saturday’s total lunar eclipse, NSW South Coast residents had their viewing interrupted when a man lost his shit while trying to collapse a folding camping chair. Dozens of camera tripods belonging to amateur astronomers were… Read More ›
Sadistic Woollies Shopper Reckons 15c Is A Bargain For Chance To Choke A Dolphin To Death
A thrifty psychopathic Woolworths shopper with a pathological hatred of dolphins believes that a 15 cent plastic bag that he has found is the bargain of a lifetime. “The last time I choked a dolphin in person I had to… Read More ›
Salmonella Germs Horrified At Thought Of Touching Andrew Bolt
Billions of salmonella germs have waged protests in petri dishes across the country after learning that the plastic bag ban may lead them to make contact with the skin of opinion writer Andrew Bolt. “‘Most of us are decent, hard… Read More ›
Turnbull Shocked That Royal Commission Investigating Banks Not Banksy
The Prime Minister has expressed concern and annoyance that the Royal Commission that his Government set up is investigating Banks rather than his planned target the artist Banksy. “This is a most concerning occurrence,” said the Prime Minister. “I mean… Read More ›
Police Investigate Garden Hose Thefts at Parliament House
The lawns at Parliament House in Canberra are at risk of dying off as gardeners have found themselves unable to water the grassy hills. Staff have complained that hoses used to water the iconic hills have been cut and stolen…. Read More ›
