Local Cocaine dealers are up in arms after a number of their usual clients have turned their backs on them in favour of joining a cross fit gym. “Ah look mate it’s just not right you know,” said a dealer… Read More ›
Science
Guy Who Hasn’t Changed His Bong Water For 6 Years Worried The Chemicals In Detergent Are Poisoning Him
Shayne Fraser, a 38-year-old part-time IT consultant from Byron, has real concerns about whether the chemicals they put in everyday cleaning products like dish washing detergent are poisoning us all. “I dunno man, I just don’t trust that shit,” Mr… Read More ›
Climate Emergency? Then Why Are These Scientists In Greenland Having A Tropical Beach Party?
The warming alarmists would have you believe we are facing a so-called “Climate Emergency”, but The (un)Australian has been given access to exclusive photos that paint a very different picture. Far from being gripped by panic, they show climate scientists… Read More ›
Very Fast Sushi Train Will Deliver Salmon Roll From Melbourne To Sydney In Under Three Hours
The government has commissioned a feasibility study to look into the construction of a Very Fast Sushi Train down the eastern seaboard, raising hopes that sushi aficionados in Brisbane will be able to sample a frilled scallop nigiri that has… Read More ›
Doctors Fear Vaping Is Re-Normalising Being A Wanker Amongst Young People
Medical authorities have warned that the popularity of e-cigarettes is leading to a resurgence of wankerhood amongst young users, winding back decades of anti wankerness campaigning. “The evidence is overwhelming that vaping is a gateway to riding around the city… Read More ›
Shrinking Wagon Wheels Prove The Universe Is Contracting, Say Physicists
The shrinking size of Wagon Wheels is proof that the universe has stopped expanding, according to Nobel Prize winning physicists working at the Hadron Collider. “Judging by the relative width and thickness of Wagon Wheels, we speculate that the universe… Read More ›
