A thrifty psychopathic Woolworths shopper with a pathological hatred of dolphins believes that a 15 cent plastic bag that he has found is the bargain of a lifetime. “The last time I choked a dolphin in person I had to… Read More ›
Science
Salmonella Germs Horrified At Thought Of Touching Andrew Bolt
Billions of salmonella germs have waged protests in petri dishes across the country after learning that the plastic bag ban may lead them to make contact with the skin of opinion writer Andrew Bolt. “‘Most of us are decent, hard… Read More ›
Turnbull Shocked That Royal Commission Investigating Banks Not Banksy
The Prime Minister has expressed concern and annoyance that the Royal Commission that his Government set up is investigating Banks rather than his planned target the artist Banksy. “This is a most concerning occurrence,” said the Prime Minister. “I mean… Read More ›
Police Investigate Garden Hose Thefts at Parliament House
The lawns at Parliament House in Canberra are at risk of dying off as gardeners have found themselves unable to water the grassy hills. Staff have complained that hoses used to water the iconic hills have been cut and stolen…. Read More ›
Man Hiding In Boot Of Car To Sneak Into Rocket Launch In For Nasty Shock
An Australian man who hid himself in the boot of a car driving into Cape Canaveral for the launch of Elon Musk’s Falcon Heavy rocket is in for a big surprise when he finally prises open the door. “Couldn’t get… Read More ›
Peter Dutton Eggs Found In School Sandpit
Wildlife experts have identified the eggs found in a Laurieton school sandpit as belonging to a Peter Dutton and have removed them to a safe place for hatching. “Peter Duttons slither in during the night and lay their eggs in… Read More ›
