In what many are saying is an attempt to avoid a leadership challenge next Monday, Prime Minister Tony Abbott has announced today that he’s going to sell off the Australian Parliament.

‘It is clear the people of Australia do not want their public assets sold off,’ said the Prime Minister ‘The only thing they want sold are their politicians.’

He announced that the House of Representatives is to be replaced by Facebook and the Senate by Twitter.  Bills of legislation with the most retweets and shares will be deemed to be law. ‘Turn back the hashtags,’ joked the Prime Minister. ‘What are hashtags? Are they like hash-browns?’

It was hoped that the parliament sell-off would be able to resolve the budget black hole, but the Treasure Joe Hockey states that due to a political glut in recent years, the international parliamentarian market has bottomed out with barrels of politicians going for as little as 5 dollars. ‘You can’t give us away,’ said Hockey. ‘We may have to be sold with a co-payment.’

Most predict that politicians will be offloaded as scrap or rebirthed politicians in other jurisdictions. ‘I think I could easily turn Scott Morrison into a Chinese communist,’ said an enthused panel beater in Penrith. Greens politicians have requested that they be recycled.  Bill Shorten initially was opposed to the sale of the ALP but then realized that Eddie Obeid had sold off most of the party in 2011.

The move by the Prime Minister has caught dissatisfied Coalition backbenchers offside, many of whom were believed to be mounting a challenge to Mr Abbott next Monday. ‘It’s good that he’s finally showing some leadership,’ said coup leader and potential future Clive Palmer, Western Australian MP, Dennis Jensen. ‘This is what we have been looking for in a leader. Someone who will make bold decisions and have the strength of conviction to stick to them.’

Concerns remain though that the Prime Minister himself is incapable of being sold off. ‘There are not many bids on eBay,’ said an adviser. ‘And we were worried that we wouldn’t be able to dismantle him but he appears to be able to do that himself.’

Malcolm Turnbull and Julie Bishop have since confirmed that they are not for sale but open to offers.

John Cahill

https://twitter.com/johnbcahill

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Categories: Politics

Tags: Australian Parliament, Clive Palmer Jacqui Lambie, Tony Abbott Bill Shorten Joe Hockey Scott Morrison