US anti-corruption investigators are in uproar after it was revealed that the judicial system of Qatar has won the rights to host the potential trial of former FIFA boss Sepp Blatter.

“There was nothing fishy at all in the selection process despite what the Americans might be saying”, said Interpol chief George Mallaby, the man responsible for awarding Qatar the judging rights. “Anyway, I have to go now as it’s time for me to go swimming in my new pool that is completely filled with hookers.”

“This is wonderful news for our nation and it means we’ll need to construct 12 new court rooms at the cost of 200 trillion dollars”, said Sheik Omar Abdullah, Qatari delegate to the World Court. “It means we’ll be able to create employment for more than 2 million workers from the subcontinent whose passports and testicles we’ll hold in a safe place until it’s time for them to be shipped home again in their coffins.”

Peter Green
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Categories: Sport