Items recovered by locals from a beach in the west of England point towards the crash landing of Australian cricket somewhere in Northern Europe.
The handle of a Kookaburra bat and a baggy green cap have been sent for forensic examination, but the measure is thought by many to be academic. Historian Joseph Cooke all but confirmed the items’ relevance, saying “No team has crashed like this in the area in living memory. I would be extremely surprised if they were from anything else.”
According to residents, items may have been washing up for months. Landlord Ian Pearson said “My kids found what we thought was a sea cucumber back in May, but it turned out to be a handlebar moustache. God knows how long it had been adrift.”
Investigators refuse to confirm the uncontrolled ditching of Australian cricket, saying only that the recovered items will be tested and released in the coming weeks.