Cricket Australia has announced the cancellation of two match test series in Bangladesh amid concern that it might have led to a resurgence in the career of batsman Shaun Marsh.
“We just couldn’t take the chance that Shaun would do a Jason Gillespie and somehow fluke a double century, making it impossible to drop him from the team in time for the first test matches of the Australian summer,” said CA boss James Sutherland. “We based our decision on credible intelligence from ASIO that suggested the Bangladeshi slips cordon intended to coat their hands in butter to ensure that the two or three chances per over that Marsh edges in their direction will go to ground.”
“The advice we’ve been getting from the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade, based on intercepted internet chatter, is that the pitches being prepared for the test matches are going to be absolute highways that even Shaun Marsh is capable of scoring a ton on,” said Australian captain Steven Smith. “No overseas tour is worth taking that risk for, not if it means we’ll have to pick him for the first game against New Zealand at the Gabba.”
Disappointed embassy staff said it just wasn’t possible to guarantee the security of Cameron Bancroft’s spot at the top of the order should Marsh peel off a century or two against a pissweak Bangladeshi bowling attack.
“Fortunately the cancellation of the tour will give Shaun two or three Sheffield Shield games in which to lose form before the team is selected for the first test in November,” said Australian coach Darren Lehmann. “We dodged a bullet when Shane Watson did us all a favour by retiring at the end of the Ashes series, saving us the hassle of having to pay someone to hit him in the kneecaps with a mallet to keep him out of the team.”