Author Archives
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Australian Government Reclassifies Asylum Seeker ‘Children’ as ‘Funny Looking Adult Midgets’
In a move to address criticism of Australia’s immigration detention policies, the Department of Immigration and Border Protection announced today that all asylum seekers under the age of 18 would from now on be classified in all government documentation as “midgets” rather than… Read More ›
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Executives Wasting Millions Of Working Hours Per Year Playing With Desk Toys
A top secret report commissioned by the ASX has found that executives from Australia’s top 100 companies are spending more than 200 million work hours per annum playing with shiny metal desk toys when they should be busy running their… Read More ›
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Bill Shorten Laments Trade Deals Making Caviar Unaffordable To Low Income Workers
Labor leader and William Hill bookmakers odds on favourite for next political leader to be knifed, Bill Shorten has today released a statement lamenting the Abbott/Turnbull/who’s next? government’s trade deals on the grounds they will adversely affect low income workers ability to purchase… Read More ›
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Benji Madden Finds New Way To Look Like A Massive Tool
Reality television ‘star’ turned celebrity spouse, Benji Madden has revealed a new way to look like a massive tool after revealing a diamond patterned tattoo on the top of his head. Madden was pictured in West Hollywood and almost went… Read More ›
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England Rugby Union Team To Be Sent To Penal Colony
The England Rugby Union team are to be sent as convicts to the penal colony of Australia for acts of treason committed in the vicinity of Twickenham recently. The team will begin their sentence immediately after fulfilling their obligations against… Read More ›
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Expectations Low For Mount Rushmore 2.0
In news that is sure to rock the world of Australian granite sculpting, Lewisham sculptor/casual methamphetamine producer Michael Newman is set to unveil what he describes as a “long-overdue sequel” to the Mount Rushmore rock carving. The sculpture, entitled Mount… Read More ›
The (un)Australian 