Visiting the town of Forbes to inspect the damage inflicted on the region due to floods, NSW Premier Mike Baird has broken down in tears over the potential loss of pokies revenue. Speaking to The (un)Australian, a distraught Premier said: “I… Read More ›
Australia
Australia Adopts New Zealand Style Social Service System By Moving Everyone On Welfare To Bondi
Australia has taken note of New Zealand’s successful social welfare system and is following suit by making everyone currently on the dole go and live in Bondi. “New Zealand hardly has any unemployment and a low welfare budget due to… Read More ›
China Apologises For Thinking We’d Listen To Sam Dastyari
The Chinese government has issued a grovelling apology to the Australian people for assuming that we’d ever pay any attention to Sam Dastyari’s opinion on anything. “We have insulted the intelligence of an entire country by choosing Senator Dastyari above… Read More ›
Annual Leave Cancelled For All Defamation Lawyers As Derryn Hinch Enters The Senate
Australia’s defamation lawyers have braced themselves to be working around the clock to deal with the fallout from whatever senator elect Derryn Hinch might have to say in his maiden speech in parliament. “I was looking forward to two weeks… Read More ›
Aussie Runner Goes Back To Make Sure Fallen Opponent Stays Down
An Australian athlete has been praised for showing the true spirit of Aussie sportsmanship by stopping in the middle of a 5000 metre race and returning to push a fallen rival back to the ground. “I saw that a runner… Read More ›
Peter Dutton Self Immolates The Last Of His Humanity
Peter Dutton has set fire to the last remaining shred of his humanity in an effort to convince asylum seekers that it is pointless to look at him for empathy over their treatment in offshore detention centres. “Fortunately I only… Read More ›