Canberra is in a state of crisis after shocking revelations surfaced that, far from being the exact science everyone thought it was, body language analysis consists mostly of conjecture and speculation.

The great shock was unveiled by former body language expert Herb Clemensen following what he described as a “clumsy and misinformed” article by Chris Kenny in the Sydney Morning Herald this morning. Kenny had written that the body language of the two respective leaders demonstrated that relations between Tony Abbott and Barrack  Obama had improved since last October, a claim Clemensen describes as “unmitigated bunkum.”

Speaking exclusively to the (un)Australian, Clemensen explained that attempting to infer the nature of a political relationship was fraught with problems. “There’s actually quite a large matrix of factors that contribute to the makeup of a persons body language, and theres enormous variance from person to person in how they may manifest certain body language   there’s certainly nothing conclusive about it”

Clemensen was formerly the in-house  resident body language expert for Network Ten from 2005-2011, during which time he professed to have detected a lack of trust between Kevin Rudd and George W Bush, a decision he now says he regrets. “I just made it up, by that stage of my career I wasn’t even bothering to look at the footage anymore.”

A spokesperson for DFAT has expressed grave concerns about the revelations, calling upon all faux analysts to “do the right thing by your country and fess up before your negligence does some real damage.” DFAT refused to comment on whether the Prime Ministers recent threats to “shirtfront” Vladimir Putin were made on advice  from a body language expert.

Author: Nathan Lentern

Twitter: https://twitter.com/nlentern1

Categories: Media, News