Esteemed climate change realist Lord Monckton could hardly contain his delight as scientists from the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics announced the discovery of planet Kepler 438b, whose location and distance from its star puts it into the so-called “goldilocks zone” of being potentially similar to earth.

“Just like earth, Kepler 438b could have a breathable atmosphere, polar ice caps and a diverse biological heritage,” said Lord Monckton. “I think we should send a rocket there and start trashing the place asap. At the very least we should send a couple of hoons in a land rover to do some doughies and burn some coal.”

Scientists have prescribed caution regarding Kepler 438b’s suitability for being used up and wasted in a reckless fashion.

“Just because it’s in the Goldilocks zone we shouldn’t necessarily expect to find pristine lakes to fill with sludge, complex ecosystems to obliterate and irreplaceable gorges to bury under dams,” said astronomer Zachary Smith. “It might be already occupied by space bears mining it for porridge.”

Peter Green

www.twitter.com/Greeny_Peter

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