“No Such Thing As Truth” Says First Year Philosophy Student


Turning our view of the universe upside down, Cassie Driver, a first year Philosophy student at the University of Melbourne, has revealed that there’s “no such thing as truth” to The (un)Australian in a world exclusive.

In a shocking revelation, Ms Driver has discovered in her 8 months of studies that our parameters for “truth” are defined by societal, cultural and technological norms, leaving “truth” to be relative and subjective. While Ms Driver has tried to share the findings of her work with friends, on Facebook status updates, and with strangers in coffee houses, we are apparently the first media organisation to print her ground breaking conclusions.

Ms Driver believes this is because the consequences of her work will flip the whole concept of “journalism” on its ear. If there is no truth to report, then what is the news reporting?

While most people’s first interpretation of these findings would be to react with fear and uncertainty, Ms Driver believes her findings to actually be liberating. “Freed from our Cartesian anxiety, that is, our longing for ontological truth, we can live in an enlightened age where the dichotomy of ‘objective’ and ‘subjective’ are no longer all defining.”

The (un)Australian requested an elaboration on this last point, but unfortunately, Ms Driver paused for two and a half minutes and then revealed she had “somewhere to be” before she could give a response.

In light of Ms Driver’s research on the existence of truth, The (un)Australian will not be issuing an apology for the article; “Freya Newman Is A Paedophile”.

Matthew Farthing

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