Death Of Richie Benaud Reduces Billy Birmingham Gag Theft By 400%


The Insurance Council of Australia says its members have revised their policies to reflect the reduced risk profile of 1990s cricket commentator jokes after the death of the popular 12th Man character from skin cancer aged, 84.

Benaud was Birmingham’s most popular – and most expensive to insure – character with thousands of witless buffoons repeating what they remembered of his lines at BBQs every Sunday for more than twenty years.

Whilst many thieves struggled with the late Tony Greig’s accent when saying words that didn’t rhyme with ‘four’, the silver-haired Coogee battler gave even the most rank amateur the delusion of ‘being good at impressions’ due to the ease of beginning every ‘t’ word with ‘ch’ and his frequent use of the old-fashioned ejaculation ‘marvellous’ which was employed even more liberally than today’s teenagers’ abuse of the word ‘amazing’.

The Richie Benaud character maintained a vast collection of coats in various shades of the same light hue and his struggle to choose between them was legendary. A fact repeated ad nauseum by fans in some of the worst crimes against humour since the popularity of the Python movies.

Birmingham rarely speaks to the media but The (un) Australian understands the comic genius will save millions in insurance costs. Analysts say the only threat to his integrity now is his unfortunate association with the biggest name in Australian comedy for 3 decades.

Tim Govers


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Categories: Sport

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