Google Appears At Tax Hearing In New Company Uniform

CEO for Google Australia, Amanda Everywhere

CEO for Google Australia, Amanda Everywhere

Google launched its new company uniform yesterday at the Senate Inquiry into Corporate Tax Minimisation with its Australian CEO, Amanda Everywhere, arriving at the inquiry dressed in a heavy helmet, leathers and a cape.

“Capes are back as are death stars darling,” said Ms Everywhere as she took a seat at the next Senate table next to a person dressed in white curtains and hair buns for ears, later confirmed to be Christopher Pyne.

Greens Leader Senator Christine Complain, however, ignored the Google heavyweight and chose to start with the Australian General Manager of Apple, Mr. Allan Pare, by questioning him about his “double Irish sandwich with Dutch Associations”.

Mr. Pare said: “Look it’s alright but we all know the associations are better at Hungry Jack’s.”

“Why is that?” asked Senator Complain whilst readjusting her carbon neutral shoulder pads.

“Because Hungry Jacks are domiciled on Mars and are only required to pay tax every five hundred years,” said Mr. Pare.

“And how often does Apple pay tax Mr. Pare?” asked Senator Complain pulling out her solar powered lightsaber.

“We are currently domiciled in Ireland in 1854 and pay tax on a Thursday by way of two pieces of silver and a bag potatoes,” said Mr. Pare. “This is when our Apple Maps app was developed.”

Fellow Greens, Senator Sarah Hanson-Shutup questioned the leader of Australian operations for Microsoft, Bill Fence about the company’s minimal taxable income. “Mr. Fence I’ve spent more money on petition paper than your company has spent on tax in this country,” said the Senator in between her mean tweets.

“No one should be expected to pay that much tax Senator,” said Mr. Fence. “Besides the last person to use a Microsoft product was Senator George Meta-Meticulus when he tried to log into MSN Chat in 1998. He’s still not in.”

Senator Larissa Dugong then commenced questioning the Google Australia CEO. “Miss Everywhere,” said the Senator. “It’s clear that your company is avoiding its tax obligations in Australia by pretending to live on a fictional spaceship built by a fictional fascist.”

“This is outrageous,” said Miss Everywhere. “Our Death Star is not fictional. Christopher Pyne lives there.”

“I’ll fix it,” interjected Mr. Pyne readjusting his buns.

The hearing continues today in a galaxy far, far away or Canberra.

John Cahill

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