America’s law abiding guns have released a statement condemning the gun involved in the Orlando mass shooting saying that the actions of the vast number of peaceful guns shouldn’t be judged by the actions of a violent few.
“Out of the 313 million guns in this country only 133 of them have been responsible for a mass shooting so far this year,” said Portland air rifle Joe Buttplate at a candlelight vigil. “People should remember that most guns spend their days innocently shooting tin cans off fence posts, putting down dogs that have turned into chicken killers and lounging around in pick up trucks making blokes with tiny dicks feel a bit tougher.”
“The millions of guns that are model citizens shouldn’t be blamed for the tiny few that go off accidentally while being cleaned or shoot unarmed black people during routine arrests,” said Texas sheriff’s pistol Maybelline Flashhider. “Sure we’ve all winged a toddler or two who were playing with us but who hasn’t done something silly in their youth.”
Calls for tighter gun laws in America have brought protest from both the NRA and moderates such as the Spud Gun Lobby.
“Its the aim of these extremist guns to turn the rest of the country against all guns, even harmless ones like supersoakers,” said Los Angeles water pistol Jimmy Triggerfinger. “Perhaps more should be done to make sure that lonely, disaffected guns don’t fall in with the wrong crowd.”