Author Archives
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Manspreading Compulsory Under New Social Distancing Law
The government has introduced a new $10,000 fine for passengers who don’t manspread on buses and trains in a bid to slow down the transmission of the coronavirus. “Any person who sits down on public transport and doesn’t whack their… Read More ›
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Musician In Critical Condition After Playing Recorder To Entertain Neighbours
A recorder player is fighting for his life in intensive care after attempting to entertain the fellow residents of his block of flats with an impromptu concert from his balcony. “Barry had seen those YouTube videos from overseas of opera… Read More ›
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Magpies Postpone Swooping Season Till December
Faced with the possibility that the streets will still be bare of people in September, Australia’s magpies have reluctantly pushed back the swooping season to December. “What’s the point of swooping season if there’s no-one to swoop down on but… Read More ›
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Scotty Cam Forced To Do Stuff All Work From Home
The coronavirus crisis has forced Australia’s Apprenticeship Ambassador Scott Cam to carry out his duties of doing stuff all from the safety of his own home. “I’ve gone into lockdown and will have to find a way to do two… Read More ›
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Mob Attacks Cute Puppy For Stealing Toilet Paper
An angry mob has torn apart a cute white Labrador puppy after the animal attempted make off with a length of Kleenex toilet paper. “He may be adorable and fluffy but these are desperate times and every sheet is precious,”… Read More ›
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Good News As Millions Of Spiders And Other Dickhead Animals Die In Bushfires
A positive has emerged from Australia’s summer of bushfires as scientists report that countless spiders, ticks, ants and other dickhead animals have perished in the flames. “Those little eight legged bastards can scuttle as fast as they want but they… Read More ›
