A judge has sentenced a Sydney couple to 10 years hard labour for the crime of “Being A Thoroughly Entitled Dickhead” after they brought a pram to the annual Festival of Being Crushed in a Crowd, popularly known as “Vivid”…. Read More ›
Peter Green
Doctors Fear Vaping Is Re-Normalising Being A Wanker Amongst Young People
Medical authorities have warned that the popularity of e-cigarettes is leading to a resurgence of wankerhood amongst young users, winding back decades of anti wankerness campaigning. “The evidence is overwhelming that vaping is a gateway to riding around the city… Read More ›
Shrinking Wagon Wheels Prove The Universe Is Contracting, Say Physicists
The shrinking size of Wagon Wheels is proof that the universe has stopped expanding, according to Nobel Prize winning physicists working at the Hadron Collider. “Judging by the relative width and thickness of Wagon Wheels, we speculate that the universe… Read More ›
The (un)Australian’s Election Predictions
The big day is almost here. The sausages are defrosting, the cakes are being iced and the entire Nation breathes a sigh of relief that they will no longer be receiving unauthorised text messages from a C Palmer of Brisbane…. Read More ›
Barrel Chested Old Coot At Beach Wants You To Guess How Old He Is
That leathery old bloke in speedos who’s always strutting around at the beach wants you to take a shot at guessing how old he is. “How old do you reckon I am?” asked wrinkly beachgoer Bert Vovo as he puffed… Read More ›
Teary-Eyed Dave Warner Cops Brutal “More Dots Than A Dalmatian” Sledge
Banned Australian opening batsman Dave Warner has revealed that he walked off the cricket pitch last weekend after a slips fieldsman taunted him with a heartless call of “more dots than a dalmatian” after he’d played out a maiden over…. Read More ›
