The (un) Australian’s Person of the Year

Newspapers and magazines have a tradition of looking back at the year and nominating their person of the year, sometimes they get it right like Time magazine in 1930 awarding the title to Mahatma Gandhi and sometimes they get it wrong, Time magazine in 1938 awarding the title to Adolf Hitler.

In the spirit of the season and not because we have run out of things to write about, we here at the (un) Australian have taken the time (no pun intended) to nominate our person of the year.

Now we did all sit down and try and get a consensus of one person of the year however after hours of rigorous debate, slanderous arguments and a lot of procrastination we decided to let each writer nominate one person each and you the reader can have the final decision. So without further adieu here are The (un) Australian’s people of the year.

Vladimir Putin, nominated by Mark Williamson

Being named Man of the year is old hat for good old Vlad, he was named Time magazine’s man of the year in 2007 and for the 15th consecutive year he was named Russia’s Man of the year, beating (literally) a stellar field. However it wasn’t his vast achievements that I nominated Putin or Pootie-Poot as George Bush was wont to call him. The reason I nominated Putin was for the level of restraint he showed this year. Particularly at the the G20 summit when Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott threatened to shirtfront him, rather than responding to Abbott by engaging him in a wrestling match or nuking Sydney Mr Putin brushed him off and thanked the Prime Minister for his ‘hospitality’.

ISIS, nominated by Leslie Richmond

I realise this choice will be controversial, not being an individual, but I think their contribution to protecting the way of life we’ve become accustomed to shouldn’t be underestimated.

When the likely fixture for the next International in Ukraine started to unravel, they came through with a last minute venue. One that has a comforting familiarity for Team Australia and the rest of the League, despite solid trouncings handed out there in the past.

They’ve contributed to a welcome turnaround in the flagging prospects of major players in the arms sector still struggling with market downturns in Iraq and Afghanistan and their selfless work with ASIO, ASIS, and their International counterparts has been invaluable in enabling a farrago of world leaders to rein in the out of control liberties that have long posed an unacceptable risk to democracy.

Tony Abbott, nominated by Ryan Crawford

Australia’s 28th Prime Minister of Australia has had a tremendously successful year according to him. He’s performed really really really well. He’s done such a fantastic job it’s impossible to mention all of the achievements.

A few of the highlights are that Australia is well on its way to reverting to a more carefree and idyllic nation where the boogie monsters of science and social progression are kept well in check, and women can rejoice in things their prime minister has done for them because he told them to.

The Prime Minister’s excellent performance in the polls has been underpinned by a strong policy agenda in which the pesky legislative distraction of caring for other people has been almost completely eradicated. The recent Cabinet reshuffle putting larger numbers of vulnerable people in the path of Scott Morrison is a master stroke, and ensures that 2015 has a chance of eclipsing the stellar efforts of this year.

What a tremendous captain #teamaustralia has

Paul Howes, nominated by Carlo Sands

I have nominated the now former AWU national secretary and least faceless of all Labor’s famous “faceless men” for finally living up to the name and retiring from the the nation’s media on which he had been so ever-present.

Howes also lived up to his “high flying” reputation by doing in his early 30s what many trade union bureaucrats take decades to achieve: leaping from union boss straight into the corporate world as a director at professional services business KPMG. But not before going further than most union officials in negotiating tactics and literally sleeping with the enemy. With big job cuts hitting the Qantas workforce, which includes AWU members, Howes, still formally AWU national secretary, did his bit for workplace relations by marrying Qantas executive Olivia Worth in May. Qantas boss Alan Joyce attended their reception.

Prediction: Howes retirement from public life will be short lived with the former AWU boss to seek preselection  for a safe Liberal seat in the near future.

The Butt, nominated by Matthew Farthing

My nomination for The (un)Australian person of the year: The Butt. Whether Iggy Azalea was singing about it, Kim Kardashian was posing with it, or Clive Palmer was subpoenaed to submit his to the Queensland Supreme Court, in 2014 nothing was discussed more than the Butt”

Sharri Markson. nominated by Nathan Lentern

Whether she was getting Mike Carlton suspended from marquees for harassing Barrie Cassidy, in 2014 Sharri Markson transformed the face of Australian journalism in a manner unseen since Glenn Milne pushed Stephen Maybe off stage at the 2006 Walkley awards.

Synthesising the gravitas of a less remembered Von Trapp child with the wry self awareness of a Belieber, Markson’s regular column in The Australian is arguably the last remaining regular “must read” in the once proud Australian media.

As Markson’s star continues to blaze ever brighter, The Australian’s media editor is firming as the favourite to replace Paul Barry as presenter of the ABC’s Media Watch when he is invariably sacked from the position like he was some fifteen years ago. Truly 2014 is the Year of Sharri.

So there you have it, Vladimir Putin, ISIS, Tony Abbott, Paul Howes, the Butt and Sharri Markson who do you feel best represents the year 2014? Or alternatively which one would not look out of place on the next season of Dancing with the Stars?

On behalf of #TeamUnAustralia thank you for visiting the site and have a great festive season, we will be back Jan 5th with the all the best news, analysis and plagiarism. Thanks for reading.

Categories: Opinion

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