Startling allegations have arisen of the exploitation of a developmentally challenged British man by a predatory teenage girl in a series of private parties aboard a luxury yacht.
The victim, Andrew Windsor, sometimes known by his ironic nickname of Prince Andrew, has the mental age of a three year old and is the product of hillbilly style inbreeding amongst several closely related European families.
“Andrew is a happy go lucky, trusting dunce who would be easy prey for any person with an ounce of guile in their system who wishes to use him for their own depraved ends”, said close friend Jeffrey Epstein. “He’s the sort of bloke who doesn’t go outside in winter without someone pinning his mittens to his coat.”
“Andrew would probably have been enticed into this situation with the promise of some lollies or a chance to play with the girl’s puppy’, said London mayor Boris Johnson. “I don’t understand how someone could be so cruel to such a defenceless person. Let’s face it, he’s the only guy in the world who wakes up every morning and realises that he’s even more pointless than Prince Charles. He deserves a break.”
Prince Andrew was recently cleared of being 19th century serial killer Jack the Ripper by examination of DNA evidence.