In a shock turn of events this week, a panel of internationally renowned medical experts have declared to that the internet has “gone viral”. The announcement was made at a press conference by Médecins Sans Routeurs (Doctors Without Routers).
The news comes as the well-respected medical experts and technological laggards were donated a supply of iPhones. The smartphones, unbeknownst to the doctors, came pre-installed with an internet contract and the latest album from U2.
Médecins Sans Routeurs representative Doctor Mario Van Hurfenbagel spoke to the (un)Australian: “Our organisation has only recently become aware of the internet pandemic. We are working hard to ascertain the cause but we are fairly certain that we have narrowed down the common symptoms.
“So far, confirmed symptoms include a burning sensation known as flaming, a Tourette’s-style blurting of inappropriate language called trolling and a lack of brain function called Google.
“We are working simultaneously on a treatment plan and a preventative plan. However, in order for those to succeed, we need to identify the source of the infection. Our best guess at the moment is, considering analysis of internet content, sexually transmitted infection, although it may also be transmitted by cats.”