Prime Minister Tony Abbott has blindsided the opposition with a bold plan to buy all government flags from South Australian firms. The ACTU has yet to formally respond to the move due to today’s anti-Abbott rallies and The (un) Australian being wary of meeting Maritime Union representatives before completing martial arts training. However, workers at GM Holden, Australian Submarine Corporation (ASC) as well as seasonal employees at both the Adelaide Festival and The Adelaide Fringe Festival have told The (un) Australian they welcome the initiative. Some even began listing what they would buy with the income from their new jobs.
Mr Abbott said the loss of submarine and passenger car manufacturing was unfortunate but “shit happens” and “flags are our future”. Sales of flags have risen exponentially in recent months with the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet and proscribed terrorist groups believed to be responsible for the spike. Currently the only local flag manufacturer is Elizabeth-based Australian Flag Producers (AFP). CEO Richard Face is upbeat about the plan but cautions he may not be able to keep up with demand in the short term: “we’ve been seeing a steady increase in plain black flags with a small screen-printed message in muslin(sic) for a while now but no one expected Tone to start doubling the number of Aussie flags every time he fronts a lectern!”
Long term Chinese suppliers are privately furious with the Government’s move but the Prime Minister was quick to insist it had nothing to do with the recent frozen berries scare, telling The (un) Australian “there has been no known link, no known link, between Chinese flags and Hepatitis A. And now, happily there won’t be an unknown link either.” Treasurer Joe Hockey said Chinese companies were free to purchase Australian flag companies provided they were in unfashionable suburbs and were nowhere near Barnarby Joyce.
Canberra insiders believe the move is designed to appease nervous South Australian MPs and help shore up the Prime Minister’s support in any future leadership contest against the communications minister, Malcolm Turnbull. Mr Turnbull welcomed the Prime Minister’s plan describing is as “a yet another inspired ‘captain’s pick'”. The Opposition’s infrastructure spokesman, Anthony Albanese released a brief statement apparently in support of the government: “good”.
Timothy Hugh Govers
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