Indonesia Now Just Toying With Us


Indonesian Attorney-General HM Prasetyo has announced that the Bali nine duo’s execution has been deferred pending an investigation into how many times the Indonesian government can offer hope and then snatch it away before the gag stops being funny.

Lawyers for Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran have reacted positively to the news, batting away like a delighted kitten who has just had a piece of yarn dangled in front of it.

The news was at once exciting and exacerbating to the Australian people;

“Look, I’m glad that there’s still a chance that they won’t be executed but it’s sort of like, ‘just fucking kill them’ already,” Foreign Affairs Minister Julie Bishop said in a statement released earlier this morning.

“I don’t know how many more times I can fly to Indonesia. Business Class is killing me.”

The first recorded use of privative comedy was in the Princeton Tiger in 1895. In the West, it’s popularity peaked in the early 90’s with Saturday Night Live’s Wayne’s World sketches, but has fallen out of popularity since 2006’s Borat film.

However, this style of comedy still remains popular in South-East Asia, especially in Indonesia where it’s been the country’s preferred style of comedy since 1975 when then Indonesian President Suharto promised that Indonesia wouldn’t invade East Timor… not!

Often known as the Richard Pryor of Oceania, Indonesia’s dark sense of humour has often been lost on the Australian population, who struggle to understand comedy unless it’s told by a character in cheap costuming with an over-the-top Lebanese accent.

Despite a slim majority of Australians supporting the return of capital punishment, the fates of the Bali Nine duo have lead to a vocal outcry among citizens, who violently oppose the death penalty in all cases in which an Australian is the one receiving it.

The Mercy Campaign is using the recent delay in order to organise a new star-studded video to protest the executions, much to the delight of Indonesian President Joko Widodo;

“There were so many big stars last time, I hope they get Guy Sebastian in this one.”

Matthew Farthing is the Asian correspondent for The (un)Australian. His ‘I Stand With Oh Mercy’ video has received over 20 views on youtube.

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Categories: World

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