Max Brenner To Stage Terror Attack In Bid To Boost Sales

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Chocolate cafe Max Brenner have made plans to stage their own terror attack in an effort to compete with rival chocolate shop Lindt Cafe.

A spokesperson for Max Brenner said: “The past three months have been really bad for us — sales are at an all time low, we’ve had to lay off staff, and meanwhile people are lining up round the block to get into the Lindt cafe. We are getting desperate, so our marketing team floated the terror idea last week. We think it’s great.”

On Friday, the Lindt Cafe in Martin Place reopened for the first time since December’s terror attack. Sales at the cafe have skyrocketed after it featured in worldwide news broadcasts. Lindt have taken a large portion of the chocolate shop market share, leaving Max Brenner searching for answers.

The spokesperson continued: “We just couldn’t compete with the kind of publicity Lindt were getting, so we’re hoping our terror attack ‘blows them away’. We are looking at getting some real ISIS fighters in, not just some madman from the suburbs. Hopefully we latch onto that public goodwill that worked so well for Lindt.”


Thomas Orr

https://twitter.com/Thomsorr

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