Hillary Clinton has unveiled a campaign focused on presenting the former first-lady as just a folksy, regular person, in a sure sign that Ms Clinton realises that this campaign will be her last chance to win the White House and recover the treasure her husband hid there back during his second term.

The fabled “Clinton Treasure” has haunted the previous two administrations. 42nd President George W. Bush gave up the search, figuring the “treasure” was a metaphor for knowledge, but his successor, Barack Obama, concluded that it could not be the case after meeting Bill Clinton.

Following her failed bid for the Democratic nomination in 2008, which many credit to her campaign slogan “You’ll Vote For Me” being pasted over pictures of her smiling smugly, this new strategy indicates a conscious attempt to present the former Secretary of State as the underdog.

“Ms Clinton understands that if she does not win the presidency this time, she would probably not get another chance, and when taking into account that she’s turning 68 this year, her age would prohibit her from launching a secretive break and enter,” DeMorge Freeman, a political commentator and expert cat burglar, told the (un)Australian.

The former New York state senator will be heading to Iowa in a van that she’s nicknamed “Scooby” as she’s never seen an episode of “Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!” in her life. She will be joined by her campaign staff and her trusty Great Dane, “Mystery Machine”.

It is believed that Hillary is up against what the journalism industry calls a “race against the clock” trope. According to sources close to the family, Bill has run up a large amount in gambling debts to mobster boss Angelina Abruzzo, who famously gives her debtors until the next inauguration day to come up with the money that’s owed to her.

Matthew Farthing is the US reporter for The (un)Australian. He dropped acid during Coachella, so anyone walking around the Coachella Valley should wear protective shoes.

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Categories: World

Tags: Hillary Clinton, Matthew Farthing, The unAustralian