The Department of Agriculture has confirmed that two Johnny Depps that were imported into the country in contravention of Australian quarantine laws will have to be put down.
“Unfortunately our strict quarantine laws do state that any Johnny Depps have to be kept segregated from the rest of Australia’s acting population for ten days after being brought into the country lest they spread any bad acting diseases”, confirmed the Minister for Agriculture and General Buffoonery Barnaby Joyce. “It’d be a shame if Australia’s pure acting stock were to suddenly come down with the delusion that adopting a weird costume and a silly voice were all that was required to fully flesh out an acting role.”
“This is not the first time an American actor has been released into the Australian wild”, said Actors Equity spokesman Herbert Woosh. “Back in the 1990s a Tom Cruise was detected amongst a pack of Nicole Kidmans but fortunately it failed to breed. And of course the release of a couple of James Masons in the 1950s has led to the formation of a feral population in the Gibson Desert.”
It is expected that the Johnny Depps will be put down sometime tomorrow, allowing them the chance to rehearse a touching death scene for themselves.