Channel Nine aired its new reality TV show Marriage At First Sight this week, in which participants marry someone they’ve never met so that people can watch the drama of an arranged marriage unfold.
Much like a wealthy man lighting a cigar with a hundred dollar bill in front of a person who is homeless and suffering from lung cancer, Marriage At First Sight is an excellent opportunity for heterosexuals to taunt homosexuals by frivolously abusing their exclusive nuptial rights.
The show has featured marriage enthusiasts Clare and Lachlan tying the knot on the sacred reality TV airwaves. Clare told The (un)Australian after the premiere: “We are just so happy to be able to get married in these circumstances. In front of cameras, in a brazenly ill-considered social experiment for other people’s entertainment.”
Lachlan added: “That’s right, the sanctity of our marriage is there for all to see. Respectfully carried out as God would have wanted.”
The arbitrary nature of arranged marriages has come up for criticism, but a Channel Nine producer defended the practice, telling The (un)Australian, “statistics show that arranged marriages last longer than regular marriages”.
When asked what those statistics say about rates of depression, other mental health issues and domestic violence in arranged marriages, she answered, “Look over there!” And ran in the other direction.
Gay rights activists have criticised the show’s low standards of fashion.