Melbourne Zoo Takes Delivery Of A Breeding Pair Of Andrew Bolts


One of the zoo’s breeding pair.

Keepers at the Melbourne Zoo say that the recently arrived pair of endangered Andrew Bolts are settling well into their new enclosure.

“We’ve given them some photos of Jeremy Corbyn to play with and this has helped distract them from the traumatic move from relevance,” said head keeper of conservative primates Luther Safarisuit. “Hopefully their howling will settle down sometime over the next few months and they’ll stop disturbing the other animals.”

“I’m glad these guys are being preserved because it would be a shame for my kids to grow up without a rabid right wing opinion maker to reflexively detest,” said inner-city lefty Felicity Sourdough as she sought to catch a glimpse of one of the notoriously shy columnists.

“It’ll be a sad day when the only place they can go to get their blood boiling over an article on climate change denial is in a museum.”

Once plentiful on the internet and over the airwaves, Andrew Bolts have been threatened by recent dramatic changes in the political environment.

“It only takes a moderate change in the temperature of public opinion to place slow-to-adapt species such as the Andrew Bolt under stress,” said political biologist Mariana Thinktank. “We need to act now if we don’t want to lose these magnificent creatures.

“For example, if I had my way I’d like to see Sydney radio station 2GB set aside as a national park to preserve several hundred acres of old growth nuffies.”

Peter Green

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