Grassroots political movement Reclaim Australia has fired its dentist after venturing outside on the weekend and getting a good look at what the rest of the country’s teeth look like.
In a press release tattooed onto the neck of one of its Facebook followers, Reclaim Australia stated: “We regret that in light of photos that show most of our supporters have mouths like a half finished game of Guess Who, the organisation will no longer be endorsing Dr Harvey Fangbanger as its official dentist.”
“We should have got suspicious that this guy wasn’t a proper dentist when all the certificates on the wall of his shed were done in crayon,” said high ranking member Milosz Cervinski. “Instead of giving me the happy gas before a filling, he asked me to shotgun a can of bourbon and coke.”
“No-one’s going to take us seriously if every time we emerge from our granny flats for a rally we look like a bunch of toothless nuffies,” said Magda Milosevic as she pulled a Eureka flag unitard over her head to preserve her anonymity and to stop scaring the children. “In future public appearances I suggest we hand everyone a set of those lolly teeth to wear. Say what you like about ISIS at least in their videos everyone has a magnificent set of choppers.”
In further Reclaim Australia news, historians have heartily endorsed their adaptation of Ned Kelly as role model.
“Ned’s just the guy to choose as a hero if you’re totally against the concept of people born in other countries emigrating to Australia and shooting random authority figures,” said professor Miles Slabhut. “I’m sure he’d be totally disgusted with any new arrival to these shores who doesn’t respect the laws of our land.”