Good News Story Of The Week: Australians Expected To Gamble More Than Ever On The Melbourne Cup

Dear Demi

Has the endless news stories about ISIS in the middle east and the current refugee crisis got you thinking too much about people who aren’t you? Finally, there’s some good news to report. According to representatives from some of Australia’s leading betting agencies, Australians are set to break gambling records over this afternoon’s Melbourne Cup.

Whether it’s just placing a $10 bet at the local TAB, or gambling your mortgage on new 24/7 gambling apps, Australians are expected to gamble more than $300 million on the Melbourne Cup alone, and an almost 2 international airports by the end of the year.

But while Australia’s addiction to a good time (and addiction to gambling addictions) should put a smile on the face of the gambling industry, the news is not so rosy for the erectile dysfunction industry, with shares in Viagra taking a sharp tumble which experts credit to the fact that the Spring Racing Carnival is the only time of year Tom Waterhouse doesn’t require help maintaining an erection.

While there are concerns that the increase in gambling is symptomatic of an increase in pathological gambling, Dr Ken Richards, a professor of psychology at Monash University and former gambling addict, believes these fears are unfounded;

“Problem gambling is classified as an addictive disorder under the DSM-5, so once you realise this disease is just a mental disorder, you can beat it through sheer will power alone.

“I myself was once a problem gambler, but LadBet’s recent marketing campaign has convinced me I can still have the occasional bet on iconic sporting events,” the professor told the (un)Australian. Dr Richards’ gambling skills include knowing how to read the race day program, perfecting the superfecta, and explaining to his children why they can’t afford food this week.

Pete Stevens, a spokesperson for Ladbrokes, just chalks the gambling festivities up to the Australian spirit;

“The reason Australians love to gamble is because of that ineffable Aussie quality, which refuses to give up hope even when it should have lost  long ago. It’s what makes this country the best damn country on Earth,” Mr Stevens explained to the (un)Australian, once again revealing why Ladrokes is one of the most beloved and trusted companies in Australia.

Matthew Farthing is the Sport Reporter for the (un)Australian. He recently won the $10,000 Ladbrokes prize for journalistic integrity.

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Categories: Sport

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