Richard Dawkins, famed biologist and infamous atheism advocate, has accidentally proven the existence of God after suffering a stroke on the eve of his tour of Australia and New Zealand.
While it is unclear which monotheistic religions is correct, or if this is in fact the only deity, what is clear is that God has a great sense of love and paternal protection for his children in Oceania.
The Alpha and Omega’s existence has been a source of constant controversy since almost the beginning of the universe, 10,000 years ago. Mr Dawkins spearheaded the atheist argument for the origin of the universe, often to the detriment of those who agreed with him. While most atheists are saddened by the news that they’ve been so arrogantly wrong, many have also welcomed the method through which God has chosen to prove his existence.
“While I feel like a right twit for not worshiping the great I Am, I’m incredibly thankful for his chasmic well of forgiveness, opting to protect us from a Dawkins book tour,” Kate Pierce, head of the Australian Society of Atheists told The (un)Australian.
But while many have converted to one of the many Abrahamic faiths in the wake of this new evidence, some remain skeptical;
“Any good scientific hypothesis must be repeatable,” Dr Richard Hasber explained to The (un)Australian. “As such, I have now booked Sam Harris for a lecture at the Sydney Opera House and hopefully we’ll be able to observe a similar outcome.”
Matthew Farthing is the Science Reporter for the (un)Australian. He’s been experiencing tremors and muscle twitching because as it turns out, mercury is in Gatorade.