Risk-Taking Behaviour Rises As Long Election Campaign Gets Underway

woman survives

Political scientists at the Sydney City University have discovered a disturbing rise in incidents of wilful risk-taking in recent weeks. Using data gathered from Australian emergency wards, researchers identified a 28% rise in risky activity since the Prime Minister’s informal election announcement in late April.

Heightened risk appears across the spectrum: the use of seatbelts and workplace safety equipment is down considerably, similar drops are seen in the use of cholesterol-lowering medications and carrying EpiPens, as well as simple like skills like road safety and electrical awareness.

In releasing their findings to The (un)Australian, researchers Elliott Jackson and Amanda Stewart linked the dramatic rise to the abnormally long election campaign. “Normally the four week campaign allows members of the community to say ‘Hey, I can tough this out, I lasted a week longer on my new year’s gym membership, but the prospect of a two-month campaign appears to have created a general sense of hopelessness in a susceptible proportion of the population.”

Victoria Anthony is recovering after driving her car into a tree on Friday night. “I had Radio National on for my normal commute and the announcer was talking about an eight week campaign,” she told this reporter from her traction halo.

“As soon as they replayed the package of clips from the Budget speech and Shorten’s reply, I just decided to micro nap even though I wasn’t remotely tired.” Doctors Stewart and Jackson warn that this phenomena may get worse before it gets better.

“So far only a proportion of the population are aware the election is looming, near, yet tediously far away,” they observed. “But with eight more Q and A election specials to come, let alone News Limited firing up the election front-pages, there’s nowhere to hide.”

“God help us all”.

Peter Faulkner

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Categories: Politics

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