The last remaining Golden Girl Bette White has been released back into the wild after being placed in protective custody towards the end of 2016 to ensure her species survival.
Speaking to The (un)Australian Hollywood’s head Zoo Keeper, Cage Celebrity said of White’s release: “The year 2016 took a heavy toll on our stocks of celebrities in the wild so we took the preventative measure of capturing some of our more vulnerable celebrities such as Bette White, William Shatner and Lindsay Lohan to ensure they made it through to 2017.”
“I mean if we lost anymore celebrities the Oscars would have had to have started their telecast last week just to ensure they got through the In Memoriam part of the telecast.”
When asked how they planned to ensure that 2017 isn’t the year that celebrities are wiped out completely, Mr Cage said: “Reality TV has provided us with a fertile breeding ground, I mean look at Octomum, however we are taking some preventative measures.”
“We are looking at breeding Keith Richards as he seems to be immortal and we have had some success in the field of cloning I mean no one has noticed that Liam Neeson is simply a clone of Harrison Ford so there is hope.”
For those hoping to catch a glimpse of Bette White in the wild the Los Angeles Zoo has said to approach her with caution and under no circumstances offer her cheesecake.”