Several days after being detained by Australian Border Force, Santa Claus has been deported by Australian immigration for not having appropriate documentation to enter the country.
In the early hours of this morning, Santa Claus boarded a Jetstar flight to Norway or Canada or wherever he’s from, after his reindeer were prohibited from entering Australian airspace.
“This is a win for Australia. This is a win for our sovereignty. This is a win for Jesus, the true focal point of Christmas”, said a passionate Prime Minister Scott Morrison.
Several protests in Queensland seemingly forced the Government to action. In Ipswich, there were large gatherings of protests sporting placards declaring: “#TurnBackTheSleighs”.
In a statement from Santa’s HQ in the North Pole, it’s been revealed that all Australians have subsequently been put on the “Naughty List”, meaning no presents for Christmas.
Despite having a key role in the incident, Immigration Minister Peter Dutton was allegedly inconsolable after hearing the news, having written a letter to Santa, requesting a new set of steak knives for Christmas.
Conversely, ex-PM Tony Abbott was said to be overjoyed after hearing the news of Aussies making the naughty list. “That means we get a lump of coal for Christmas, right?” he was heard questioning from the back bench.
This ends the week-long saga where international opinion of Australians has reached an all-time low, with even Tanzanian officials referring to Aussies as “closed-minded”.