Ex-PM Tony Abbott has talked of his excitement about opening his stocking on Christmas morning to find a lump of coal stuffed in there.
“I’ve been a bit of a prick all year, just trying to make it on Santa’s naughty list”, an exuberant Abbott told The (un)Australian. “I sent that old Norwegian bloke a letter to tell doesn’t deliver, I’dshirtfront him!”
Citing a variety of instances that he was a horrible individual, Mr Abbott stated that his motivations all along were for more coal. With increasing environmental pressure on the Australian Government, Mr Abbott said he always excited to find new sources of coal.
“Not everyone is as lucky as me”, continued at musing Mr Abbott, “that Dick Di Natale probably got an OAM or something”.
While Mr Abbott has not announced what he plans to do with his lump of coal, speculation exists in political circles that he may use the weight of his family’s disappointment to try to turn it to diamonds.