Author Archives
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Protestors Prevent Me From Getting Home
Protestors (henceforth referred to as the Selfish Rabble) shut down the Melbourne CBD on Friday, preventing thousands of workers returning home from their barista jobs and ruining my evening. The Selfish Rabble, whose numbers varied between “several thousand” to “ten… Read More ›
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New Vaccine Could Wipe Out Anti-Vaxers
The CSIRO says it has developed a new vaccine which destroys the bacteria responsible for otherwise sentient beings becoming incapable of reason. The scientific breakthrough will have the potential to eradicate numerous palpable threats to humankind, notable among them the so… Read More ›
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Alan Jones Presents Prime Minister With ‘To Do’ List
Former rugby coach, radio broadcaster and burlap sack spokesperson Alan Jones has today presented Prime minister Tony Abbott with a ‘To Do list’ for him to act on in order to keep Mr Jones and his listeners happy. In an… Read More ›
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ATO In Meltdown As Thousands Of Multinationals Pay Tax
The Australian Taxation Office has been forced to shut down its entire IT system after a sophisticated computer virus resulted in thousands of positive tax returns being submitted in what panicked public servants are describing in colourful words of no more than… Read More ›
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Death Of Richie Benaud Reduces Billy Birmingham Gag Theft By 400%
The Insurance Council of Australia says its members have revised their policies to reflect the reduced risk profile of 1990s cricket commentator jokes after the death of the popular 12th Man character from skin cancer aged, 84. Benaud was Birmingham’s most… Read More ›
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Joe Hockey Uses Nimble To Pay Off Australia’s Debt
Federal treasurer Joe Hockey has defended using pay day loans company Nimble to pay off Australia’s foreign debt saying that he’ll be able to cover the loan next Thursday from everyone’s tax money. “It’ll be sweet. We just needed a… Read More ›
The (un)Australian 