Attendees of Saturday’s private G20 leaders retreat have revealed the entirety of the two-hour meeting was spent comforting the Prime Minister on how difficult it is being a head of state.
According to world leaders, Tony Abbott’s opening address, which has been deeply criticized for its focus on his struggles with local policy, was just a preamble to a complete “meltdown” once the cameras were off.
During the speech Mr Abbott openly lamented his inability to pass the GP co-payment and higher education reform.
According to G20 leaders he then slumped in his chair and stared at the floor for five whole minutes while they sat in uncomfortable silence wondering what was wrong.
“I was sitting next to him and was the first to ask if everything was alright,” said US President Barack Obama.
“But he got very defensive, saying something like ‘what do you care? Everyone loves you!’”
According to sources, British Prime Minister David Cameron moved to put his arm around Mr Abbott, but after a minor struggle became involved in a full embrace in which the Australian leader wept openly, repeatedly asking, “you’re on team Australia aren’t you? You’re with me?”
“I do feel for Tony,” said Mr Cameron.
“But I don’t think leaders should display this sort of vulnerability, especially when Russia is in the room.”
Sources said that once the tears started Brazil’s President Dilma Rousseff felt a motherly approach might help, and then asked Mr Abbott in soft tones “what sort of bike he had.”
When asked why the leaders made the unprecedented move of revealing the events of the traditionally private meeting, India’s Prime Minister Narendra Modi told reporters, “We’re all leaving the country and we won’t be around to give Tony the support he needs, and frankly, we’re afraid he might kill himself.”
Sources close to Mr Abbott report he is in hourly SMS and Facebook contact with the departed leaders.