Scott Morrison has announced that Australia will not only be turning back the boats, it will be turning back Indonesia. ‘I’ve ordered our Navy and border protection vessels to tow Indonesia to Africa. We’ve decided to make it harder for people smugglers by making their journey longer.’ It is believed the towing was to commence today but couldn’t due to a misplaced set of jumper leads. ‘In the interests of the nation, I’ve lent them mine,’ said Morrison.
Indonesia hasn’t objected to its removal from the region on the basis that Australia will increase its live beef exports to the country, which will now not only include cows and lambs, but now men, women and children. As a result Australia has given Indonesia, Manus Island and to sweeten the deal, the rest of Papua New Guinea. ‘We let them have Irian Jaya years ago, they may as well have the complete set,’ said Morrison. ‘We did attempt to sell them Clive Palmer too,’ he said. ‘But being a Muslim country, they don’t eat pork.’
Greens Spokesperson for Outrage, Sarah Hanson-Hyphen said, ‘I am outraged that this outrageous government could do such an outrageous thing. Clive Palmer gave me all his preferences. They can’t sell him. It’s outrageous.’ She indicated that she would be driving her Prius to Indonesia to be outraged. Labor opposition leader, Bill Shorten said that his party would respond to the government’s new proposals in the grand Labor tradition of saying absolutely nothing.
Prime Minister Tony Abbott at first was concerned Tasmania was being towed but soon realised that the Apple Isle was remaining in safe hands, saying, ‘Now that I know that Indonesia is not Tasmania, I am perfectly fine with its removal.’