Women Relieved To Find Out It’s All Their Fault

By theunaustralianblog on 02/02/2015

Women across Australia have expressed relief at the news that the person at the centre of the Prime Minister’s ‘knight-gate’ is indeed a woman.

The Prime Minister’s Chief of Staff, Peta Credlin, has been held responsible for the knighting of the Duke of Edinburgh against his will earlier this week. The judgment has been handed down by a group of old men and as such the community has been reassured by the decision. ‘Behind every stupid man, is a woman,’ said the group.

‘I knew as soon as I read about the knighthood, that this was the work of a woman’ said a lady in hiding. She has warned all men, ‘Stay away from me, I’m deceiving you as we speak.’

Prominent Australian women have been coming forward admitting to their manipulative ways. ‘If only people had blamed me,’ said Julie Gillard today of her Prime Ministership. ‘And not my chief of staff. That poor guy.’

Foreign Minister Julie Bishop has conceded that she hates going to the United Nations on her own. ‘I’m so grateful when Andrew Robb is there with me, just in case I get carried away and force everyone to wear shoulder pads. He can bring me back into line.’

Men across the country have been quick to reassure other men that they have the situation under control, but it appears to be providing little solace for the average man on the street. Most remain bewildered by the news that Ms Credlin led the Prime Minister down a deceitful path. ‘She forced him to read Tatler Magazine and Woman’s Day,’ said an average man through tears. ‘And made him watch Downton Abbey and The Queen every night.’

‘Dinner was served on Diana and Charles commemorative china for weeks,’ said another man (also average). ‘The poor bastard didn’t have a chance.’

Reports are now suggesting that women have been to blame for everything for years. ‘Look it’s about time we owned up to it,’ said a failed feminist ironing. ‘I want the women of the world to unite and give up. Men are better at being stupid. They’re meant to run the planet.’

Women around the country have been seen handing themselves in at Blame Centres. ‘I must say, it is a relief,’ said a woman at the centre. ‘I’m looking forward to being told what to do again. I’ve missed it. We all have.’

‘Us girls have been hanging onto this anxiety knowing that everything has been our fault,’ said a former executive reaching for her apron.’Now that men have finally cottoned on and realised we’re all to blame, they have set us free. We can all get back to the washing now.’

Blame Centres continue to fill with women. Peta Credlin and all her Woman’s Days are expected to arrive at one very soon but not before her blame committments have been completed.

John Cahill

Twitter: @johnbcahill

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