The Indian government is set to raise the retirement of its Test cricket captains from 32 to 36 following last month’s retirement of Test captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni.
A productivity report conducted by the Indian Institute of Statistics found that under the current regime, former captains were likely to live 50-55 years after their retirement and that 35-year-old former Test captains were “neither infirm nor inept”.
A spokesperson for the Institute told The (un)Australian: “At our current trajectory, by 2050 we’re going to have more former Test captains in their eighties than we’re going to have members of the Test squad. It’s completely unrealistic to think that our current superannuation/old aged pension arrangements for former Test cricket captains will still be affordable in 2050.”
When questioned about the possibility of raising taxes on the current test squad in order to finance the retirement of the former captains the spokesperson replied: “No that wouldn’t work. None of the current test players ever pay any tax.”
A second, more radical proposal to raise the retirement age to forty four was found to be significantly more popular than the actual figure with a seventy two percent approval rating in India’s major cities. This proposal would enable the government to conscript former heroes Sachin Tendulkar, Rahul Dravid and Anil Kumble back into the struggling test side.