A midnight coup to oust Northern Territory Chief Minister Adam Giles has stumbled following revelations that Mr Giles’ resignation letter was signed “Suck It”.
Following the Liberal National Party’s disastrous results at the Queensland state election, and with speculation over Prime Minister Tony Abbott’s future leadership higher than ever, members of the Country Liberal Party took to the night, lanterns in hand, to replace Mr Giles with former Die Hard villain Willem Westra van Holthe.
Unfortunately for the party, whilst members “totally saw him sign his name” to the resignation letter they had drafted, it wasn’t until after Mr Westra van Holthe had announced his own swearing in ceremony that anyone bothered to check the letter. Immediately there was speculation as to what the “it” Mr Giles wanted sucked, was.
“If Mr Giles thinks the future of the Country Liberal Party involves the sucking of anything, then Mr Giles is sorely mistaken” Mr Westra van Holthe informed the press while announcing that his swearing in ceremony had been delayed.
“If Mr Giles will not resign, then we will look to other methods of ousting him that involve zero sucking whatsoever.”
The rescheduling of the swearing in ceremony may have financial implications for Mr Westra van Holthe as he had put down a $10,000 deposit to have Vanessa Amarossi sing “Shine” to him in his honour while he was supposed to be sworn in. He may now have to forfeit the deposit.
Mr Westra van Holthe, however, seems more upset at having to oust his ‘good friend’ Adam Giles and insists he’s reluctantly becoming the head of the Northern Territory’s government.
“Today is a sad day, but we have to do what’s right by the party and by the people of the Northern Territory” Mr Westra van Holthe solemnly informed the press, before remorsefully rubbing his hands together and cackling with glee.
Matthew Farthing is the Northern Territory Reporter for The (un)Australian. He once stuck a clacker in his cracker.