US Shocked By Yemen Civilian Deaths: ‘We Just Had No Idea Our Weapons Would Kill Anyone’


The US believed the F15 fighter jets it sold Saudi Arabia would only be used to deliver sweets to Yemeni kids.

With Saudi Arabia-led military forces attacks on Yemen killing more than 900 people, a spokesperson for the United States government expressed “profound concern” at the rising civilian death toll, insisting: “We really had no idea that our billions in arms sales to Saudi Arabia would end up with these weapons being used to hurt anyone, let alone civilians!

“We were under the impression that the Saudis wanted these arms to use as specials props in a bold new interpretative dance display intended as a special educational campaign to raise consciousness about the inherent horrors of war! This is just like that time President Obama presented the Saudi royal family with those ceremonial swords as a gift. Next thing you know, they’d chopped the heads off a few dozen infidels!”

Asked why the US rushed fresh weapon to the Saudi military during the bombing campaign, the spokesperson explained: “They absolutely assured us they would only fly those F15 fighter jets we sent over Yemen in order to drop sweets for Yemeni children. And really, what with Yemen’s violent, drawn out and complex civil war now being worsened by Saudi bombings, I’d bet those kids could really do with a treat!

“Oh no, hang on… you don’t think,” the spokesperson said, suddenly going pale, “you don’t think they might actually use those planes to drop any of those bombs we’ve also rushed to them at the same time to replace the ones they’ve already dropped?

“Oh my god! Really, what would give the Saudis the idea it is OK to just bomb Yemen and kill civilians? I mean we do it frequently with drone strikes, but I really didn’t think their neighbours had noticed!”

Carlo Sands

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