Facing what she called “an act of rebellion reminiscent of the infamous 1381 Peasants’ Revolt” with staff at Windsor Castle voting for strike action, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II spoke today of her shock when informed that English monarchs were no longer allowed to chop the heads off rebels.

The uniformed staff at the royal residence in Windsor have voted to take industrial action over pay at the end of this month, which involves refusing to perform extra duties such as take guided tours of the castle for fee-paying visitors.

Speaking exclusively over the phone to The (un)Australian, Her Majesty said: “Obviously, Our first response was ‘Time grab the old gallows from the basement!’ Well, We were terribly shocked to be informed that this is apparently no longer the ‘done thing’.”

The Public and Commonwealth Services Union has suggested the action could have a “significant impact on visitors”, a statement Her Majesty condemned as “a declaration of defiance of royal power surely not heard since Wat Tyler’s seditious 14th century insistence that ‘There shall be no more serfdom and all men shall be free!'”

“Really, whatever happened to tradition? King Richard II had 1500 insubordinate traitors executed in 1381 and you are telling me that these days We cannot even hang a couple of guards in silly costumes? This is political correctness gone mad.

“It truly is no wonder that this country…  oh, hang on, We must go! We are not allowed to talk to the press, you see, so We had to make this call from the loo and now Our people are banging on the door, but well, We had to speak out somehow.”

Carlo Sands
http://www.twitter.com/carlosands

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Categories: World

Tags: 1831 Peasants' Revolt, Carlo Sands, English monarchy, Queen Elizabeth II, strike action, The Queen, The unAustralian, Wat Tyler